Some may read this headline and automatically think something negative. This is not one of those posts. Although I AM trapped. But I am trapped by something so precious, so beautiful, that I could remain trapped forever without a care in the world.
I lay here, unable to move. The growls of my stomach are silenced by my own selfishness. My toddler is taking a nap and as much as I would love to get up and do all the errands and chores of the day I physically,mentally and emotionally just cannot get up.
There is 8lbs and 9oz laying so peacefully in all her innocence on my chest. I can gaze at her for hours and she absolutely loves the warmth of my body and sound of my heartbeat as it beats along the side of her cheek. I couldn’t possibly disturb her and move her to get up and get my day started. Especially with the knowledge I have. The wisdom to know that before I know it she will not only be too big to lay on top of me but won’t want to. Iv watched my others grow far too quickly and refuse to let her. So yes, I am going to make my chores wait and lay right here on this couch and bask in all the amazing feelings I get from watching her sleep and realizing this beautiful Babygirl is my last precious little baby and I will not take one minute for granted.
They say never wake a sleeping baby anyway. So I have a valid excuse. They told me so.
A mother not wanting her baby to grow up
With a little determination I finally did my nails again! I waited patiently until my newborn was down for her cat nap and my boys were preoccupied to sit down, get all my things out and start painting these nails that have been far overdue. Just as the brush hit my fingernail, my newborn sensed mommy was trying to have some “me” time and decided to start having a screaming fit out of nowhere. A child that would usually be in the deepest of sleeps for at least 2 hours was now demanding me mid stroke to go cater to her…..so to say the least, this design was more than rushed with every 5 minutes she gave me. But I finished it. I did the impossible. And that is good enough for now. 🙂
I have no idea what S.O.S stands for, all I do know it is a distress call. A call for help. Exactly what I need today.
The “to-do” list in my head is never ending. Some realistic goals, some not, (or maybe just in my mind they are not but in reality 100% possible).
My little man is turning 2 in two months, so naturally my mind begins to not only face the reality that he is getting bigger and no longer my baby. Along with that realization, I also begin to criticize myself as a mother for not having any plans for his birthday yet. Most likely it won’t be anything too elaborate being on a strict budget, having a newborn, and a super small family that makes having a big birthday celebration not even all that necessary. Along with him turning 2, I have had the joy of listening to and experiencing the ear piercing screeches of temper tantrums for little to no reasons at all. My 2 year old is the boss in his mind, and nothing, no one, not even mommy is going to change that. (Until Daddy comes home of course).
On top of that, my newborn is turning a month old this Friday. Another child that is growing up way too fast and making me more depressed. She has been experiencing gas pain and reflux, which mommies know mean lots of fussing, crying, and of course no sleep. My bedtime last night was 4:15AM after about 2 hours of consoling her back to sleep. Only to be woken a couple hours later to start the day.
And to think….I have orientation tomorrow for a part time job I have decided to take on along with my full time job as a mommy. I can only imagine my mood the first week or two, and the back pain I will be experiencing dealing with scoliosis to top it off. But what needs to be done, must be done, and that’s why we are super women ;).
On a more positive note, I have finished the first page of my book, and so far, I am proud already. It’s the one thing besides this blog I am doing for myself, and although I can’t write as much as I would like with the demands of all my children, I am determined to finish it and know once I do, it will be a true work of art. My own masterpiece.
Another month has come and gone. They say time flies when your having fun….but in reality, how many of us would actually call our days “fun”. Sure, we may have some fun moments throughout our days, which usually only occurs on the weekends anyway since the week days are filled with a thing called work, sleep, and more work that drains our days of time and takes away from any possibility of “fun” that could be had. But majority of the time, our days are mostly filled with stress, food, a smile here and there and some more stress before ending the day, going to sleep, and starting it all over again the next day. Not to say these days are full of misery, (because your days are truly what you make them) but they tend to be filled with real life situations, no matter how jolly you try to be or stay, that you just simply can’t escape. And by real life I mean kids crying, tantrums being thrown, bills waiting to be paid, groceries to be bought, too long of work days, and of course lack of sleep (because if you have a life, the recommended 8-9 hours is pretty close to impossible, hence the dire need for and addiction to caffeine we have everyday). So my point of this post is to basically say, does time really fly when your having fun?…or does time fly because we get so lost in the duties of our everyday, real life situations, that we fail to realize the hours, days, months and years that so quickly pass us by. Time is precious, and as I sit here and stare at my little bundle of joy, swaddled and sleeping so peacefully on my chest, I sometimes wish I could pause time, just for a little, and enjoy the little things that become so easily overlooked. (I know, easier said than done). We may never be able to pause time, but we can at least take a minute, or ten, out of the 24 hours in a day that are given to us, to reflect on the things we cherish and love the most. The very things we live for. (Especially knowing how easily and quickly those 24 hours can be taken away from us without warning). Don’t let time pass you so quickly that you loose track and can’t keep up. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to say “Where did the time go? I wish I could go back…” Don’t let life consume you. Consume life. Goodnight