Who would have known

 

image

 

So to say it nicely, I’ve been feeling like s%&t lately. I already have back problems due to scoliosis so that didn’t surprise me…what did surprise me was the amount of pain I was in compared to my “normal” amounts of pain. Along with that I was extremely tired, to the point of falling asleep while sitting up even after a full nights sleep. Anyone with a newborn and 2 year old will understand why that’s not acceptable. Not to mention other symptoms I had been having such as swollen throat and overall sickness that I brushed away as my oldest just bringing germs home from school. After a MRI on my back and blood work done I was diagnosed with Lymes Disease.

Who would have known.

I was not expecting that at all being I don’t remember being bit by a tick although I do remember having a bite on my leg from something just didn’t know what. So here I am now on antibiotics for a month in hopes to start feeling better soon and regain myself back a little instead of feeling like I’m becoming part of the couch.

Sincerely,

A Lymes Disease patient

Advertisements

A Mind With A Mind Of Its Own

As I lay here listening to their deep breaths, watching the rising and collapsing chest of my husband, daughter and son, I realize why I can’t fall back asleep. Here I am unable to enjoy the very rare moment of sleeping in past 8:30am.

My thoughts have thoughts, whose thoughts are currently taking over my ability to fall into a deep and peaceful sleep with which could lead to visions of sugar-plums dancing in my head….probably not, most likely it would be McDonalds fries and a mocha frappe, but that’s besides the point.

When I first started this blog it was based off the daily life of my adventours, good and bad, of being a mother. Little did I know this would turn into an outlet for when life took a turn and threw a brick at me called anxiety.

But I have decided instead of halting my writing and taking a break from blogging, I would use this as another form of helping myself to realize it’s ok to admit you have an issue (many issues), and no, I’m not the only one. And so far it has been a huge accomplishment and motivator.

So excuse my random post of my wild mind, my kids have not done anything too out of the ordinary lately anyway (surprisingly).

So to end this post I would like to say, I may not have many followers yet, although I still have confidence one day I will. But if I can reach the few I have and bring a smile or even a smerk, a sense of not being alone or misunderstood, then my plan and goal for this blog is working, and with that I would be more than happy.

Everything happens for a reason, and with that being said, enjoy the chapters of my life not many know or get to see. Chapters in which I don’t even know what the beginning or end will consist of, chapters we will read together.

Sincerely,

A mind with a mind of its own.

“My anxieties have anxieties”-Charles M. Schulz

Some days I have complete control; other days are pure torture.

Anyone who has had, or knows someone who has had anxiety, knows how disabling it can be.

As much as you try to reassure yourself, as much as you try to convince yourself that these thoughts do not exist, your brain tells you otherwise, and for whatever reason you truly, whole heartedly believe it.

Life becomes ten times more difficult dealing with the constant battle. Sometimes it leads you to feel helpless, insane, emotionally and mentally incapable of dealing with everyday life. Add small kids to the mix and its almost disastrous.

Of course you try all the self help techniques Google can provide before realizing it’s something deeper than any search engine can fix.

It takes a lot to admit when you have any type of problem, it takes putting aside the feelings of weakness, embarrassment, and the sense of failing knowing you couldn’t control it on your own or just simply make it stop, since it sounds so easy to do, but are quickly reminded that it’s not.

It takes that one moment of feeling like you’ve completely lost yourself, like you’ve completely lost your mind. That moment it starts affecting not only you, but those around you that you love the most but know don’t and probably never will understand.

And when that moment comes, take charge. Regain control of your thoughts, your mood and life by any means possible.

Life is too short, too precious, to be anything less than happy.

Sincerely,

A mind filled with worry.

Allow me to reintroduce myself…..

Just Me

Before I continue on with any more post (or rants) about my life, my kids, my madness and insanity, I think it’s only fair that I give you a better understanding of who I am. Who I really am.

I have been through many things, many good, MANY bad. Some things that pretty much everyone goes through, and some that most people do not. I would often question how I still had a heart, how I didn’t become an evil person filled with hate, and used to constantly think the infamous question, “why me?”. But I have learned everything happens for a reason and because of that I wouldn’t take back any of my life experiences knowing it has made me who I am today. The bad doesn’t need to be relived in detail, it’s said and done and thankfully over, but to know me is to know my story, so let’s begin…

My name is irrelevant. I am not a celebrity, therefore, my name is just a name and I am a nobody to the outside world (for now).

As for my age, some may be (and usually are) surprised to know I am actually only 24 years old. Yes, that is a two in front of that four. Yes, that means I have just graduated high school six years ago. And finally, YES, that means I was and still am a young mom. But NO, that does not mean I have not been through probably more than some double my age has, and No that does not mean I am any less of a parent or woman than someone who has partied their 20’s away and waited until they were 30 to have their first child and start their “grown up” life. So now that we have that out of the way, let’s move on 🙂

I was the daughter of a teen mom, and I became a teen mom. I was in young “love” and made terrible, immature, irresponsible decisions during my first couple years in high school. I went from being in a mentally gifted program and being accepted into one of the best schools in the city by 5th grade, to not caring about school, my education, well being or my future, and dug myself in a deeper and deeper hole that I thought I would never be able to crawl out of. (I honestly don’t know how my mother didn’t disown me at some points). But that all changed the moment I found out I was expecting my first child. I changed my life around, never missed school and became that “A” student my teachers and parents would tell me I was more than capable of being. I finished high school the best I had been in years. I walked off that green grass with my cap and gown on and went over to hold my 2 month old baby boy for pictures feeling extremely proud of myself. While most women take maternity leave to relax with their newborn and recover physically, emotionally and mentally from the process of giving birth, I was doing school work and meeting with my teacher to make sure I was not only keeping up with my grades, but would be there with my class to celebrate this huge accomplishment. And I was.

I went on to work while completing full time college courses for two years and obtained my associates in Elementary Education before having my second child with the man I married and now call my husband. Along with some tough times and a bit of a rough pregnancy, I had a post partum hemmorhage with my second that ended with the doctor manually, by hand, contracting my uterus to stop the bleeding and save me from loosing any more blood than I already had. I screamed in excruciating pain as my husband stroked my hair, and reassured me everything would be ok as much as he possibly could. That admittedly was the most painful thing I have ever been through, especially when you refuse the epidural since I made the decision to give birth to all my kids “naturally”. That definitely won the top spot for the scariest moment of my life. (A deer running into my car as I was driving with my newborn comes in at a close 2nd). After that, I made the decision to focus on just working to help support my growing family before being let go from my previous job after finding out I was pregnant (which was a surprise to both mommy and daddy….the pregnancy and the loss of a job at the worst possible time). Thankfully, my husband got a new job and I became a stay at home mom while being pregnant with my third and last child, who gave me a hell of a pregnancy so may have been the best thing in the end after all.

And here we are today…after being through hell and back since a very young age, dealing with things I can only hope my kids never have to experience in life, and pushing through every obstacle life has put in my path, I am finally in a good place. We just recently got a new home that we love, our babies are all here and healthy, and I got the opportunity to wake up today to see another sunrise, kiss my husband and kids, and write this post for a blog I never thought or knew I would have.

So that is my story (at least a very small part of it) and this is who I am and forever will be.

Sincerely, Me.