My days in prison

Be forewarned, I am about to vent and rant and whether anyone can relate is unknown.

Today is one of the days I am in prison. I’m not talking about an actual prison (unfortunately since I’d rather be anywhere but here right now) but the prison I call my home. Most days there is nowhere else I’d rather be, other days I feel trapped and alone with no way of escaping, only because it would be illegal to. I have been through this toddler phase before, but never to this extent. I also had a full time job that allowed myself some extra sanity to deal with it properly. But now I am going through the toddler stage with a newborn, a newborn who is starting to react to his continuous screeches and screams for many not so obvious reasons. I keep telling myself it will be over soon but my pounding headache is making that irrelevant right now. Iv tried different techniques, tried different ideas to control the tantrums yet I still get to experience and suffer from them everyday while trying to cater to and care for a newborn and my other son. I knew it wouldn’t be easy going into this, I was warned but never could have imagined this type of torture. I love my toddler. I love him with my whole entire heart but being this thing called a human only allows myself to tolerate so much at one time. Which usually leads to me calling my husband with every emotion possible and feeling as if I am not only weak but failing. Then the resentment sets in as I speak to him that he never has to go through this punishment, he gets to escape to work for long hours while I am stuck in these walls with what you would think is a wild animal. And even when he is home my toddler decided to be on his best behavior for the most part. Not to mention he will be working on Saturdays again soon which means every other weekend I will get to not only have my screaming toddler and crying newborn but my older son and stepson to cater to on top of it. I used to have all the patience in the world with one child. That has quickly changed. So to say the least I am extremely glad I have decided to take on a part time job, although my back kills me and I’m on my feet the whole time with only a 15 minute break, it has almost become a necessity in order to keep my sanity away from these days when I’m in prison.

Sincerely,
A mother who has high hopes in one day, sooner than later, regaining some mental freedom and sanity.

Success!

imageIn my last post I stated how we were going to attempt the impossible and take all our kids on a little field trip and today that was not only done but successfully accomplished. The ride down was peaceful, our newborn was sleeping the whole time other than to eat and be changed without a peep made and our boys enjoyed themselves. Some minor crocodile tears from our toddler as expected when his brothers were doing something he wasn’t big enough for but other than that it was a lot of fun. Trips are even better when your kids cooperate 🙂 Will definitely be going back. Sunday Funday.

Sincerely,

a pleasantly surprised mommy

Mission Impossible….

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Today we are planning (and by planning I mean it’s in our minds as a solid thought but has yet to be actually in progress) to go to a museum. I won a free admission to this museum and with my oldest starting 1st grade on Tuesday thought it would be a fun little “Goodbye Summer” trip.

This may sound normal to some, maybe even fun…but I’m forgetting to add the fact that this trip is not only about an hour away, in a very busy hectic chaotic city, but it’s also with 3 other children….the good old 4 against 2 idea. Our kids usually surprise people by their good behavior, but today will be the day we wish we could teleport ourselves back home.

Let’s break this down…..my husband and I will taking our 6 year old, 4 year old, almost 2 year old and 5 week old newborn for an hour long ride into the city. Fascinating enough our newborn most likely will be the least of our issues (unless she cries inconsolably the whole way there for some unknown reason, which with our luck may happen) but I’m going to assume that this mini monster of a toddler may be the biggest issue of all. Who wouldn’t want to hear his ear piercing screeches anyway? Or run around in circles trying to catch him only to be kicked on the way back to the stroller brought only to contain him when he begins to believe he is in a zoo. Or possibly our 4 year old who is still stuck in the his way or no way phase at times and stops walking as if he has cinder blocks attached to his feet. Thankfully our 6 year old has grown out of that and is our only source of some type of sanity, although at times his ears seem to fall off on the way into places too. At that point we are “shit out of luck” as they say or “SOL” for the cool crowd.

Although I could be 100% wrong and I could have the best behaved children in that whole museum who are going to actually walk with us without being reminded and have beautiful smiles on their little faces without a tantrum in sight, I know that’s probably not going to happen.

So within our hour ride I will be mentally preparing myself for all that can, may and probably will happen. Usually daddy’s presence makes them on their better behavior so I will only hope that stands true. Not that I would ever dare to go on this adventure without him, that’s just foolish and asking to get the “what the hell is she thinking?!” looks from others.

I will update on this family fun filled weekend with hopefully nothing but positive happy go lucky stories (don’t hold your breathe) but I have some hope, more so desperation that my kids will prove me horribly wrong and allow me to be pleasantly surprised.

Stay tuned.

Sincerely,

A mother on mission impossible 🙂

The never ending To-Do list…

A post I’m sure most mommies can relate to. Definitely mommies of multiple children. So here we go.

I wake up every morning with a determined mindset to at least get half of my minds to do list done by the end of the day. I am still getting used to having a newborn all over again and terrible twos from a child who is not even two years old yet. As I let this set in and attempt to juggle my duties as a mommy and wife, I realize my expectations are almost unrealistic. As much as I would absolutely LOVE to do the dishes, wash clothes, clean up, feed and care for my newborn, along with showing attention to my two other kids and even get some learning time in with my toddler it’s just become impossible in a days work. Oh yea! And I still have school supply shopping to do for my oldest who starts school on Tuesday….yes, this upcoming Tuesday as in 5 days away. (Don’t judge me)

Most moms know that the simplest tasks such as using the bathroom or even taking a nice long hot shower are never the same or just that simple after having kids. Today I am going to try to do the unthinkable. I am going to attempt to get at least if not more than half my to-do list done before heading off to work.

Sincerely,

A want to be super mom

Trapped

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Some may read this headline and automatically think something negative. This is not one of those posts. Although I AM trapped. But I am trapped by something so precious, so beautiful, that I could remain trapped forever without a care in the world.

I lay here, unable to move. The growls of my stomach are silenced by my own selfishness. My toddler is taking a nap and as much as I would love to get up and do all the errands and chores of the day I physically,mentally and emotionally just cannot get up.

There is 8lbs and 9oz laying so peacefully in all her innocence on my chest. I can gaze at her for hours and she absolutely loves the warmth of my body and sound of my heartbeat as it beats along the side of her cheek. I couldn’t possibly disturb her and move her to get up and get my day started. Especially with the knowledge I have. The wisdom to know that before I know it she will not only be too big to lay on top of me but won’t want to. Iv watched my others grow far too quickly and refuse to let her. So yes, I am going to make my chores wait and lay right here on this couch and bask in all the amazing feelings I get from watching her sleep and realizing this beautiful Babygirl is my last precious little baby and I will not take one minute for granted.

They say never wake a sleeping baby anyway. So I have a valid excuse. They told me so.

Sincerely,

A mother not wanting her baby to grow up

How is it possible?

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How is it possible that we created such a beautiful little being? How is it possible the very thing that caused me so much pain and discomfort could be so precious and innocent? How is it possible that I could fall so far in love with someone I just met? How is it possible that this little person will teach me things before I can even begin to teach her? How is it possible that she so easily changed our life by just being born and entering into our world? How is it possible this little being took over our heart? She has us wrapped around her little finger. She probably always will. She is our one and only daughter. She has given us an experience we never had before. An experience in which we had no idea what to expect or what to do. It’s a learning experience for all of us, but we have accepted it with open arms and will forever be grateful for this blessing we call our daughter. (Who just so happens to have 3 amazing big brothers who will make sure she is protected at all times for the rest of her life when mommy and daddy are no longer on this earth)
We love you ❤️

A miracle has occurred!

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With a little determination I finally did my nails again! I waited patiently until my newborn was down for her cat nap and my boys were preoccupied to sit down, get all my things out and start painting these nails that have been far overdue. Just as the brush hit my fingernail, my newborn sensed mommy was trying to have some “me” time and decided to start having a screaming fit out of nowhere. A child that would usually be in the deepest of sleeps for at least 2 hours was now demanding me mid stroke to go cater to her…..so to say the least, this design was more than rushed with every 5 minutes she gave me. But I finished it. I did the impossible. And that is good enough for now. 🙂

Just a little piece of me

“A light mist filled the air as grey skies lingered on the outline of the tallest buildings in the city. It was a gloomy morning, a morning in which I was waiting upon for far too long…”

So I have decided to release an excerpt from my book in progress. This book has almost become another baby for me (not that I need anymore being I already have 3 including a 4 week old)

But I am holding this book to a very high standard, a standard I know will allow me to produce something great. I am excited every time I complete another paragraph. I am taking pride in my mind, my mind that is allowing me to push all the nonsense aside and gather a couple good words to express the scene I want to portray and story I want to tell. I almost doubted myself, but at this point I’m glad I pushed through the insecurities and uncertainties. I find a sense of happiness and contentment in writing. An outlet to explore and express my deepest thoughts. I am excited to finish this book, and I am determined to do so.

I should be sleeping…the end.

Everyone is asleep, and here I am, awake.

I could have been sleeping an hour ago when I was done feeding my newborn and she fell back into her dreams. But as soon as I layed down and closed my eyes, the first line of my second chapter of my book came to me. I had to make the important decision to either get up, get my phone and write it down, or take the risk of waking up and forgetting it completely. I tried to ignore my mind talking to me but I couldn’t. So I got up and wrote it down in my notepad. An hour later that sentence turned into half a page and the start to the ending of my book all together. I couldn’t turn my brain off, an issue I have usually every day and night. Now I will attempt to fall back asleep before having to wake up in an hour. Unless another sentence comes to me of course.

The end.