My days in prison

Be forewarned, I am about to vent and rant and whether anyone can relate is unknown.

Today is one of the days I am in prison. I’m not talking about an actual prison (unfortunately since I’d rather be anywhere but here right now) but the prison I call my home. Most days there is nowhere else I’d rather be, other days I feel trapped and alone with no way of escaping, only because it would be illegal to. I have been through this toddler phase before, but never to this extent. I also had a full time job that allowed myself some extra sanity to deal with it properly. But now I am going through the toddler stage with a newborn, a newborn who is starting to react to his continuous screeches and screams for many not so obvious reasons. I keep telling myself it will be over soon but my pounding headache is making that irrelevant right now. Iv tried different techniques, tried different ideas to control the tantrums yet I still get to experience and suffer from them everyday while trying to cater to and care for a newborn and my other son. I knew it wouldn’t be easy going into this, I was warned but never could have imagined this type of torture. I love my toddler. I love him with my whole entire heart but being this thing called a human only allows myself to tolerate so much at one time. Which usually leads to me calling my husband with every emotion possible and feeling as if I am not only weak but failing. Then the resentment sets in as I speak to him that he never has to go through this punishment, he gets to escape to work for long hours while I am stuck in these walls with what you would think is a wild animal. And even when he is home my toddler decided to be on his best behavior for the most part. Not to mention he will be working on Saturdays again soon which means every other weekend I will get to not only have my screaming toddler and crying newborn but my older son and stepson to cater to on top of it. I used to have all the patience in the world with one child. That has quickly changed. So to say the least I am extremely glad I have decided to take on a part time job, although my back kills me and I’m on my feet the whole time with only a 15 minute break, it has almost become a necessity in order to keep my sanity away from these days when I’m in prison.

Sincerely,
A mother who has high hopes in one day, sooner than later, regaining some mental freedom and sanity.