2 months

image

I’m not really sure where the time went. I just know that it’s gone.
Two months have slipped past my knowledge and I am staring at my now two month old little girl realizing this is just the beginning. This is just the start of many years to come lost in confusion in the popular phrase “Where has the time gone?”. I have been through this before and thought this time it would be different. I thought this time I would somehow be able to master the skill of slowing time down in order to cherish every second. Only to realize there is no skill to be mastered and it is simply impossible. Before I know it I will be writing a post about her first birthday and referencing back to this very moment. I promised myself I wouldn’t let life take me away from her and wouldn’t allow it to distract me from the most important thing. Unfortunately my brain and life had other plans and it seems as though stress and all the other responsibilities of being a parent and an adult still somehow suck away the opportunity to solely focus on her and my boys. It’s a work in progress. That is something I can work on, fix and master. And I have all intentions on doing so. But for now I will continue to enjoy the moments I do have to just hold her little body in my hands and gaze into her eyes knowing that one day I will only be able to do these things in memory.

I have had a halo all along…

An older woman at my job turns to me before our staff meeting at 10:30 at night and says to me “How do you feel little lady?”
Within this very moment I could have listed a page full of emotions, mostly negative, but instead I gave her a simple “tired” and left it at that. She turned to the other woman beside me and said “she has 3 little ones at home!” …I got the usual response of “God Bless You” with a shocked then depressed look. The woman than went on to trace an imaginary halo over my head while telling me my halo was glowing. Who knew I even had one..between my potty mouth and teenage years I was sure that halo had either become so dim it might as well be non existent or it had already fell apart and was no longer even there. But last night I was reassured it’s not only still there but it’s glowing.

I guess one would say I’m an angel for taking on the task of 3 kids and a step child at the age of 24, although I usually get called other things such as crazy and out of my damn mind. I would like to think I have a halo for other reasons such as the fact that Iv been hurt, betrayed, cheated and taken advantage of and I never have retailiated with revenge and still somehow have a heart. A heart that not only works but loves deeply and sometimes what feels like unconditionally despite the wrongdoings. But to others taking on the life I have chose declares me a damn near saint in their eyes, so I guess from now on I will walk around with Beyoncés “Halo” song as my entrance music.
Sincerely,
A very complex, underestimated and misunderstood young woman, who never knew my halo still shinned so bright. 😉

On a better note…..

image

Now that my toddler is down for a nap I can only hope he wakes up in a better mood. That is yet to be determined. Until then time to reflect on some positive things.
I got my notification today that I have reached 200 likes for this blog. That may seem like nothing to the popular crew who have far exceeded this number, but put 200 people in a room and that’s a hell of a fan base for me. It’s been a little over a month since I started this blog I believe and it has done wonders for me. So whether it’s 200 or 20, every one counts. So thank you for those who “like” my chaotic slightly humorous life.

Another positive that has brought me some joy is the fact that my previous Babygirl is being featured on social media for the world to see. By no means am I a stage mom or whatever they call those moms who push their kids to do something they are secretly wishing they had done. But being that her beauty had been recognized and appreciated I have decided to make her own little page for her fans. Feel free to follow and share her Instagram page @LanaKaylee_ . Nothing like a precious little baby girl to brighten a cloudy day.

Other than that just enjoying being alive, tantrums and all, I may wish to escape it time to time but I will never trade it. My kids and family have become my soul purpose for living and without them I would be worthless. So on that note, good day. 🙂

My days in prison

Be forewarned, I am about to vent and rant and whether anyone can relate is unknown.

Today is one of the days I am in prison. I’m not talking about an actual prison (unfortunately since I’d rather be anywhere but here right now) but the prison I call my home. Most days there is nowhere else I’d rather be, other days I feel trapped and alone with no way of escaping, only because it would be illegal to. I have been through this toddler phase before, but never to this extent. I also had a full time job that allowed myself some extra sanity to deal with it properly. But now I am going through the toddler stage with a newborn, a newborn who is starting to react to his continuous screeches and screams for many not so obvious reasons. I keep telling myself it will be over soon but my pounding headache is making that irrelevant right now. Iv tried different techniques, tried different ideas to control the tantrums yet I still get to experience and suffer from them everyday while trying to cater to and care for a newborn and my other son. I knew it wouldn’t be easy going into this, I was warned but never could have imagined this type of torture. I love my toddler. I love him with my whole entire heart but being this thing called a human only allows myself to tolerate so much at one time. Which usually leads to me calling my husband with every emotion possible and feeling as if I am not only weak but failing. Then the resentment sets in as I speak to him that he never has to go through this punishment, he gets to escape to work for long hours while I am stuck in these walls with what you would think is a wild animal. And even when he is home my toddler decided to be on his best behavior for the most part. Not to mention he will be working on Saturdays again soon which means every other weekend I will get to not only have my screaming toddler and crying newborn but my older son and stepson to cater to on top of it. I used to have all the patience in the world with one child. That has quickly changed. So to say the least I am extremely glad I have decided to take on a part time job, although my back kills me and I’m on my feet the whole time with only a 15 minute break, it has almost become a necessity in order to keep my sanity away from these days when I’m in prison.

Sincerely,
A mother who has high hopes in one day, sooner than later, regaining some mental freedom and sanity.

Success!

imageIn my last post I stated how we were going to attempt the impossible and take all our kids on a little field trip and today that was not only done but successfully accomplished. The ride down was peaceful, our newborn was sleeping the whole time other than to eat and be changed without a peep made and our boys enjoyed themselves. Some minor crocodile tears from our toddler as expected when his brothers were doing something he wasn’t big enough for but other than that it was a lot of fun. Trips are even better when your kids cooperate 🙂 Will definitely be going back. Sunday Funday.

Sincerely,

a pleasantly surprised mommy

Mission Impossible….

image

Today we are planning (and by planning I mean it’s in our minds as a solid thought but has yet to be actually in progress) to go to a museum. I won a free admission to this museum and with my oldest starting 1st grade on Tuesday thought it would be a fun little “Goodbye Summer” trip.

This may sound normal to some, maybe even fun…but I’m forgetting to add the fact that this trip is not only about an hour away, in a very busy hectic chaotic city, but it’s also with 3 other children….the good old 4 against 2 idea. Our kids usually surprise people by their good behavior, but today will be the day we wish we could teleport ourselves back home.

Let’s break this down…..my husband and I will taking our 6 year old, 4 year old, almost 2 year old and 5 week old newborn for an hour long ride into the city. Fascinating enough our newborn most likely will be the least of our issues (unless she cries inconsolably the whole way there for some unknown reason, which with our luck may happen) but I’m going to assume that this mini monster of a toddler may be the biggest issue of all. Who wouldn’t want to hear his ear piercing screeches anyway? Or run around in circles trying to catch him only to be kicked on the way back to the stroller brought only to contain him when he begins to believe he is in a zoo. Or possibly our 4 year old who is still stuck in the his way or no way phase at times and stops walking as if he has cinder blocks attached to his feet. Thankfully our 6 year old has grown out of that and is our only source of some type of sanity, although at times his ears seem to fall off on the way into places too. At that point we are “shit out of luck” as they say or “SOL” for the cool crowd.

Although I could be 100% wrong and I could have the best behaved children in that whole museum who are going to actually walk with us without being reminded and have beautiful smiles on their little faces without a tantrum in sight, I know that’s probably not going to happen.

So within our hour ride I will be mentally preparing myself for all that can, may and probably will happen. Usually daddy’s presence makes them on their better behavior so I will only hope that stands true. Not that I would ever dare to go on this adventure without him, that’s just foolish and asking to get the “what the hell is she thinking?!” looks from others.

I will update on this family fun filled weekend with hopefully nothing but positive happy go lucky stories (don’t hold your breathe) but I have some hope, more so desperation that my kids will prove me horribly wrong and allow me to be pleasantly surprised.

Stay tuned.

Sincerely,

A mother on mission impossible 🙂

The never ending To-Do list…

A post I’m sure most mommies can relate to. Definitely mommies of multiple children. So here we go.

I wake up every morning with a determined mindset to at least get half of my minds to do list done by the end of the day. I am still getting used to having a newborn all over again and terrible twos from a child who is not even two years old yet. As I let this set in and attempt to juggle my duties as a mommy and wife, I realize my expectations are almost unrealistic. As much as I would absolutely LOVE to do the dishes, wash clothes, clean up, feed and care for my newborn, along with showing attention to my two other kids and even get some learning time in with my toddler it’s just become impossible in a days work. Oh yea! And I still have school supply shopping to do for my oldest who starts school on Tuesday….yes, this upcoming Tuesday as in 5 days away. (Don’t judge me)

Most moms know that the simplest tasks such as using the bathroom or even taking a nice long hot shower are never the same or just that simple after having kids. Today I am going to try to do the unthinkable. I am going to attempt to get at least if not more than half my to-do list done before heading off to work.

Sincerely,

A want to be super mom

Trapped

image

Some may read this headline and automatically think something negative. This is not one of those posts. Although I AM trapped. But I am trapped by something so precious, so beautiful, that I could remain trapped forever without a care in the world.

I lay here, unable to move. The growls of my stomach are silenced by my own selfishness. My toddler is taking a nap and as much as I would love to get up and do all the errands and chores of the day I physically,mentally and emotionally just cannot get up.

There is 8lbs and 9oz laying so peacefully in all her innocence on my chest. I can gaze at her for hours and she absolutely loves the warmth of my body and sound of my heartbeat as it beats along the side of her cheek. I couldn’t possibly disturb her and move her to get up and get my day started. Especially with the knowledge I have. The wisdom to know that before I know it she will not only be too big to lay on top of me but won’t want to. Iv watched my others grow far too quickly and refuse to let her. So yes, I am going to make my chores wait and lay right here on this couch and bask in all the amazing feelings I get from watching her sleep and realizing this beautiful Babygirl is my last precious little baby and I will not take one minute for granted.

They say never wake a sleeping baby anyway. So I have a valid excuse. They told me so.

Sincerely,

A mother not wanting her baby to grow up

Three Musketeers

image

I have talked about my daughter a lot but have yet to introduce my three musketeers. They are a triple threat with the best qualities. Loving, caring, and handsome.

From left to right we have my 4 year old step-son, my 2 year old son and my 6 year old son. Yes…all 2 years apart. I say “step-son” to be technical but in all reality he is just a son I didn’t physically push out. It’s hard to believe as I look at his 4 year old face that I was buying a cake and decorating for his 1st birthday. Then again, I look at my 6 year old who is entering first grade in 2 weeks and finding it hard to believe that I am going to be the mother to a first grader.
These two boys have had a bond since they met, like long lost brothers, ever since then they still have that bond and I can’t imagine it ever going away. It has been amazing watching them grow and learn together and watch their love for each other blossom without a care in the world that they are not biologically related. That is the true definition of love.

And then we have our 2 year old….he was thee PERFECT baby, slept through the night by 3 months old and was on a sippy cup by 5 months. Before we knew it he was turning 18 months and becoming a Tasmanian devil by the days before we knew it. Now with him turning 2 in a couple months, I get to experience the ear piercing screams and constant temper tantrums over everything and anything. Luckily he has his two amazing brothers who choose to not only put up with his new found craziness but console him and help him when they can, or more so when he lets them. He knows how to test our patience and sanity, as every toddler does, but besides his normal toddler ways, he is a loving and smart little boy that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Now we have our newest addition who just turned a month old. Our oldest was hoping for a boy and said “if it’s a girl, I’m locking myself in my room!” Luckily for me he had fallen in love with her and has changed him mind. All the boys are such huge helps with her. Even our youngest who loves trying to stop her from crying by giving her pacifier to her and gives her lots of kisses. We couldn’t be happier or more grateful for the children we have. They keep us on our toes and always give us a new adventure and memory to reminisce and talk about. Our little princess has the best brothers and we have the most amazing children.

Sincerely,
A mother of four