I have had a halo all along…

An older woman at my job turns to me before our staff meeting at 10:30 at night and says to me “How do you feel little lady?”
Within this very moment I could have listed a page full of emotions, mostly negative, but instead I gave her a simple “tired” and left it at that. She turned to the other woman beside me and said “she has 3 little ones at home!” …I got the usual response of “God Bless You” with a shocked then depressed look. The woman than went on to trace an imaginary halo over my head while telling me my halo was glowing. Who knew I even had one..between my potty mouth and teenage years I was sure that halo had either become so dim it might as well be non existent or it had already fell apart and was no longer even there. But last night I was reassured it’s not only still there but it’s glowing.

I guess one would say I’m an angel for taking on the task of 3 kids and a step child at the age of 24, although I usually get called other things such as crazy and out of my damn mind. I would like to think I have a halo for other reasons such as the fact that Iv been hurt, betrayed, cheated and taken advantage of and I never have retailiated with revenge and still somehow have a heart. A heart that not only works but loves deeply and sometimes what feels like unconditionally despite the wrongdoings. But to others taking on the life I have chose declares me a damn near saint in their eyes, so I guess from now on I will walk around with BeyoncΓ©s “Halo” song as my entrance music.
Sincerely,
A very complex, underestimated and misunderstood young woman, who never knew my halo still shinned so bright. πŸ˜‰

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Success!

imageIn my last post I stated how we were going to attempt the impossible and take all our kids on a little field trip and today that was not only done but successfully accomplished. The ride down was peaceful, our newborn was sleeping the whole time other than to eat and be changed without a peep made and our boys enjoyed themselves. Some minor crocodile tears from our toddler as expected when his brothers were doing something he wasn’t big enough for but other than that it was a lot of fun. Trips are even better when your kids cooperate πŸ™‚ Will definitely be going back. Sunday Funday.

Sincerely,

a pleasantly surprised mommy

Mission Impossible….

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Today we are planning (and by planning I mean it’s in our minds as a solid thought but has yet to be actually in progress) to go to a museum. I won a free admission to this museum and with my oldest starting 1st grade on Tuesday thought it would be a fun little “Goodbye Summer” trip.

This may sound normal to some, maybe even fun…but I’m forgetting to add the fact that this trip is not only about an hour away, in a very busy hectic chaotic city, but it’s also with 3 other children….the good old 4 against 2 idea. Our kids usually surprise people by their good behavior, but today will be the day we wish we could teleport ourselves back home.

Let’s break this down…..my husband and I will taking our 6 year old, 4 year old, almost 2 year old and 5 week old newborn for an hour long ride into the city. Fascinating enough our newborn most likely will be the least of our issues (unless she cries inconsolably the whole way there for some unknown reason, which with our luck may happen) but I’m going to assume that this mini monster of a toddler may be the biggest issue of all. Who wouldn’t want to hear his ear piercing screeches anyway? Or run around in circles trying to catch him only to be kicked on the way back to the stroller brought only to contain him when he begins to believe he is in a zoo. Or possibly our 4 year old who is still stuck in the his way or no way phase at times and stops walking as if he has cinder blocks attached to his feet. Thankfully our 6 year old has grown out of that and is our only source of some type of sanity, although at times his ears seem to fall off on the way into places too. At that point we are “shit out of luck” as they say or “SOL” for the cool crowd.

Although I could be 100% wrong and I could have the best behaved children in that whole museum who are going to actually walk with us without being reminded and have beautiful smiles on their little faces without a tantrum in sight, I know that’s probably not going to happen.

So within our hour ride I will be mentally preparing myself for all that can, may and probably will happen. Usually daddy’s presence makes them on their better behavior so I will only hope that stands true. Not that I would ever dare to go on this adventure without him, that’s just foolish and asking to get the “what the hell is she thinking?!” looks from others.

I will update on this family fun filled weekend with hopefully nothing but positive happy go lucky stories (don’t hold your breathe) but I have some hope, more so desperation that my kids will prove me horribly wrong and allow me to be pleasantly surprised.

Stay tuned.

Sincerely,

A mother on mission impossible πŸ™‚

The “W” Word

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    The day has come and gone…

    Yesterday was the day I was going to unwillingly leave my precious one month old and head off to the “W” word.
    The day I had been trying to mentally prepare for and failed horribly. It wasn’t all day (nor will it ever be) but it was long enough to make me wonder what she was doing and how she was feeling every second of every hour I was there.
    Of course I knew she was in good hands. She was in the best of hands besides mine. She was with Daddy. But the attachment I have formed with her and the fact that she just turned 1 month old didn’t help my anxiety filled mind think of everything and anything that could go wrong.

    Of course when I got home, she was perfectly content along with her brothers and my husbands first shift as super dad was over. In all honesty I enjoy learning something new and getting out of the four walls that have kept me captive for months. I enjoy the option to actually miss my kids by being away from them for once. But I am also practically a new mom all over again and leaving your little ones will never be any easier no matter how many kids you may have.

    So heads up to all couples thinking of becoming parents, new parents and parents trying for another…it never gets easier, even the simplest things become difficult. Even the most innocent of acts become a challenge and make you question every aspect of it. You no longer think for or only about yourself, in fact, yourself usually becomes last on your list of priorities.

    But it’s worth it. There is no greater love then that of a child.

    Sincerely,
    A “W”orking Mom πŸ™‚

The way to a mans heart….

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….is through his stomach. At least that’s what they say. I would agree with that along with many other things you will need to win a mans heart over, but that’s another post.
Along with art I take pride in my cooking. I don’t bake, I don’t cook every type of meal of the day, I don’t even make big fantastic dinners that often, and I definitely am no Gordon Ramsey; but when I do cook I cook pretty well…at least that’s what I’m told by my biggest fan/critic, my husband.

This particular dish pictured was my Chicken Alfredo dish I made the other day. And by made I mean taking care of kids usually doing everything with one hand with a newborn in the other and making sure it’s done by time my husband gets home from work. (Or a couple minutes after if I get highly distracted with the demands of my little minions). But this is by far one of my husbands favorite. And when I’m feeling in a good mood, I like to remind him I can actually kind of cook lol

When I first met my husband and was told the stories of the not so great meals that had been made for him in the past, and listened to him admit he ate minute rice from a box, I knew I had to do something. I knew this would win me some future wife points πŸ™‚
I made a homemade dish of speghetti with homemade meatballs. I almost closed my eyes as he took his first bite hoping he wouldn’t be disappointed or even worse, think it’s horrible….but to my pleasant surprise he loved it. Slowly but surely that first homemade meal turned into many including but not limited to Lasagna, Baked Ziti, Rice and Beans with his “favorite sauce” as he calls it, steaks, pork, and many more. If I had more to spend without the vampires in my house called children who prefer money over blood, I would love to expand and cook different more upscale dishes. But for now my dinners seem to be satisfying the ones I love and that’s all the praise and reassurance I need.

Sincerely,
A secret fan of cooking

A miracle has occurred!

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With a little determination I finally did my nails again! I waited patiently until my newborn was down for her cat nap and my boys were preoccupied to sit down, get all my things out and start painting these nails that have been far overdue. Just as the brush hit my fingernail, my newborn sensed mommy was trying to have some “me” time and decided to start having a screaming fit out of nowhere. A child that would usually be in the deepest of sleeps for at least 2 hours was now demanding me mid stroke to go cater to her…..so to say the least, this design was more than rushed with every 5 minutes she gave me. But I finished it. I did the impossible. And that is good enough for now. πŸ™‚

I should be sleeping…the end.

Everyone is asleep, and here I am, awake.

I could have been sleeping an hour ago when I was done feeding my newborn and she fell back into her dreams. But as soon as I layed down and closed my eyes, the first line of my second chapter of my book came to me. I had to make the important decision to either get up, get my phone and write it down, or take the risk of waking up and forgetting it completely. I tried to ignore my mind talking to me but I couldn’t. So I got up and wrote it down in my notepad. An hour later that sentence turned into half a page and the start to the ending of my book all together. I couldn’t turn my brain off, an issue I have usually every day and night. Now I will attempt to fall back asleep before having to wake up in an hour. Unless another sentence comes to me of course.

The end.

There once was a thing called…art!

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There once was a thing called art. I loved it in all forms and had a job that allowed me to freely express my artistic skills which then lead to me expressing them in other ways at home. I still hold onto that artistic part of me although I no longer have as much “me” time to focus and make a masterpiece. But while looking back at some of my old pieces of art (that were all hand drawn/painted) I realized how much I missed it and how I need to find at least some time in my month (not day, month) to go back to it. One of my lost hobbies. Not by choice. But by life. But I am determined to get back to it, at least one toe at a time, and I will. Stay tuned 😁
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S.O.S

I have no idea what S.O.S stands for, all I do know it is a distress call. A call for help. Exactly what I need today.
The “to-do” list in my head is never ending. Some realistic goals, some not, (or maybe just in my mind they are not but in reality 100% possible).
My little man is turning 2 in two months, so naturally my mind begins to not only face the reality that he is getting bigger and no longer my baby. Along with that realization, I also begin to criticize myself as a mother for not having any plans for his birthday yet. Most likely it won’t be anything too elaborate being on a strict budget, having a newborn, and a super small family that makes having a big birthday celebration not even all that necessary. Along with him turning 2, I have had the joy of listening to and experiencing the ear piercing screeches of temper tantrums for little to no reasons at all. My 2 year old is the boss in his mind, and nothing, no one, not even mommy is going to change that. (Until Daddy comes home of course).
On top of that, my newborn is turning a month old this Friday. Another child that is growing up way too fast and making me more depressed. She has been experiencing gas pain and reflux, which mommies know mean lots of fussing, crying, and of course no sleep. My bedtime last night was 4:15AM after about 2 hours of consoling her back to sleep. Only to be woken a couple hours later to start the day.
And to think….I have orientation tomorrow for a part time job I have decided to take on along with my full time job as a mommy. I can only imagine my mood the first week or two, and the back pain I will be experiencing dealing with scoliosis to top it off. But what needs to be done, must be done, and that’s why we are super women ;).
On a more positive note, I have finished the first page of my book, and so far, I am proud already. It’s the one thing besides this blog I am doing for myself, and although I can’t write as much as I would like with the demands of all my children, I am determined to finish it and know once I do, it will be a true work of art. My own masterpiece.