With a little determination I finally did my nails again! I waited patiently until my newborn was down for her cat nap and my boys were preoccupied to sit down, get all my things out and start painting these nails that have been far overdue. Just as the brush hit my fingernail, my newborn sensed mommy was trying to have some “me” time and decided to start having a screaming fit out of nowhere. A child that would usually be in the deepest of sleeps for at least 2 hours was now demanding me mid stroke to go cater to her…..so to say the least, this design was more than rushed with every 5 minutes she gave me. But I finished it. I did the impossible. And that is good enough for now. 🙂
There once was a thing called art. I loved it in all forms and had a job that allowed me to freely express my artistic skills which then lead to me expressing them in other ways at home. I still hold onto that artistic part of me although I no longer have as much “me” time to focus and make a masterpiece. But while looking back at some of my old pieces of art (that were all hand drawn/painted) I realized how much I missed it and how I need to find at least some time in my month (not day, month) to go back to it. One of my lost hobbies. Not by choice. But by life. But I am determined to get back to it, at least one toe at a time, and I will. Stay tuned 😁
I have no idea what S.O.S stands for, all I do know it is a distress call. A call for help. Exactly what I need today.
The “to-do” list in my head is never ending. Some realistic goals, some not, (or maybe just in my mind they are not but in reality 100% possible).
My little man is turning 2 in two months, so naturally my mind begins to not only face the reality that he is getting bigger and no longer my baby. Along with that realization, I also begin to criticize myself as a mother for not having any plans for his birthday yet. Most likely it won’t be anything too elaborate being on a strict budget, having a newborn, and a super small family that makes having a big birthday celebration not even all that necessary. Along with him turning 2, I have had the joy of listening to and experiencing the ear piercing screeches of temper tantrums for little to no reasons at all. My 2 year old is the boss in his mind, and nothing, no one, not even mommy is going to change that. (Until Daddy comes home of course).
On top of that, my newborn is turning a month old this Friday. Another child that is growing up way too fast and making me more depressed. She has been experiencing gas pain and reflux, which mommies know mean lots of fussing, crying, and of course no sleep. My bedtime last night was 4:15AM after about 2 hours of consoling her back to sleep. Only to be woken a couple hours later to start the day.
And to think….I have orientation tomorrow for a part time job I have decided to take on along with my full time job as a mommy. I can only imagine my mood the first week or two, and the back pain I will be experiencing dealing with scoliosis to top it off. But what needs to be done, must be done, and that’s why we are super women ;).
On a more positive note, I have finished the first page of my book, and so far, I am proud already. It’s the one thing besides this blog I am doing for myself, and although I can’t write as much as I would like with the demands of all my children, I am determined to finish it and know once I do, it will be a true work of art. My own masterpiece.
Dear whoever may happen to care.
With my new found love for writing, more so the reawakening of my creativity and desire to write, (along with the encouragement and push from my husband) I have decided to start a book. A real book. A book that I hope to one day be published and read by many. A book that you can’t put down, a book that you have to read “just one more chapter” before going to bed. A book that you take with you to work to sneak in one more chapter during your lunch break. A book that you may or may not be able to relate to personally, but will feel as though you have known the character all your life. A book based off true events and situations that will lead you wondering how they could possibly be true. A book you will never want to put down and will be saddened when you have reached your last page. Stay tuned.
An inspired writer
Before I continue on with any more post (or rants) about my life, my kids, my madness and insanity, I think it’s only fair that I give you a better understanding of who I am. Who I really am.
I have been through many things, many good, MANY bad. Some things that pretty much everyone goes through, and some that most people do not. I would often question how I still had a heart, how I didn’t become an evil person filled with hate, and used to constantly think the infamous question, “why me?”. But I have learned everything happens for a reason and because of that I wouldn’t take back any of my life experiences knowing it has made me who I am today. The bad doesn’t need to be relived in detail, it’s said and done and thankfully over, but to know me is to know my story, so let’s begin…
My name is irrelevant. I am not a celebrity, therefore, my name is just a name and I am a nobody to the outside world (for now).
As for my age, some may be (and usually are) surprised to know I am actually only 24 years old. Yes, that is a two in front of that four. Yes, that means I have just graduated high school six years ago. And finally, YES, that means I was and still am a young mom. But NO, that does not mean I have not been through probably more than some double my age has, and No that does not mean I am any less of a parent or woman than someone who has partied their 20’s away and waited until they were 30 to have their first child and start their “grown up” life. So now that we have that out of the way, let’s move on 🙂
I was the daughter of a teen mom, and I became a teen mom. I was in young “love” and made terrible, immature, irresponsible decisions during my first couple years in high school. I went from being in a mentally gifted program and being accepted into one of the best schools in the city by 5th grade, to not caring about school, my education, well being or my future, and dug myself in a deeper and deeper hole that I thought I would never be able to crawl out of. (I honestly don’t know how my mother didn’t disown me at some points). But that all changed the moment I found out I was expecting my first child. I changed my life around, never missed school and became that “A” student my teachers and parents would tell me I was more than capable of being. I finished high school the best I had been in years. I walked off that green grass with my cap and gown on and went over to hold my 2 month old baby boy for pictures feeling extremely proud of myself. While most women take maternity leave to relax with their newborn and recover physically, emotionally and mentally from the process of giving birth, I was doing school work and meeting with my teacher to make sure I was not only keeping up with my grades, but would be there with my class to celebrate this huge accomplishment. And I was.
I went on to work while completing full time college courses for two years and obtained my associates in Elementary Education before having my second child with the man I married and now call my husband. Along with some tough times and a bit of a rough pregnancy, I had a post partum hemmorhage with my second that ended with the doctor manually, by hand, contracting my uterus to stop the bleeding and save me from loosing any more blood than I already had. I screamed in excruciating pain as my husband stroked my hair, and reassured me everything would be ok as much as he possibly could. That admittedly was the most painful thing I have ever been through, especially when you refuse the epidural since I made the decision to give birth to all my kids “naturally”. That definitely won the top spot for the scariest moment of my life. (A deer running into my car as I was driving with my newborn comes in at a close 2nd). After that, I made the decision to focus on just working to help support my growing family before being let go from my previous job after finding out I was pregnant (which was a surprise to both mommy and daddy….the pregnancy and the loss of a job at the worst possible time). Thankfully, my husband got a new job and I became a stay at home mom while being pregnant with my third and last child, who gave me a hell of a pregnancy so may have been the best thing in the end after all.
And here we are today…after being through hell and back since a very young age, dealing with things I can only hope my kids never have to experience in life, and pushing through every obstacle life has put in my path, I am finally in a good place. We just recently got a new home that we love, our babies are all here and healthy, and I got the opportunity to wake up today to see another sunrise, kiss my husband and kids, and write this post for a blog I never thought or knew I would have.
So that is my story (at least a very small part of it) and this is who I am and forever will be.