Back in Action!

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Hi everyone!

I have fell off planet earth for a while but don’t worry! I have made it back and am ready to fill you in!

As some of you may or may not know I just semi recently (10 months ago) had my first little girl (another blog in itself). Now with 3 little ones I physically pushed out and a step son I love as my own we are up to a 4 child family. (Ages: 7, 5, 2 1/2, and 10 months).

I have learned to accept our little big family, even though I am convinced my 2 year old is from another planet…an evil one..where they are taught in the womb how to torture their mothers. But I love him too much to send him back 🙂

I have found I love reading articles/blogs about having multiple kids (at 5am while my early bird of a daughter is up 😬) not only are they funny, but very true. I guess in a way they reassure me I’m not as crazy as I possibly think I am for having so many kids.  If you have 0 kids people think your selfish, if you have 4 or more they think your crazy lol by time you get past 2 you start realizing there is no such thing as a perfect parent and happily accept that. Found out that studies have shown having 3 kids rather than 1-2 is the most stressful while having 4 had the least stressed moms. All of the points are pretty valid. Although 1-2 kids seems like a breeze now, all the fun, valuable lessons learned for them (and us), the “never a boring day” feeling and amount of love they have and give to each other is worth all the headaches, tantrums, inability to “run into the store real quick”, 24/7 cartoons and lack of sleep. Kids of larger families learn there is no such thing as being selfish, learn the value of money, forever have a play date and with a couple little helpers actually makes parenting a little easier ☺️ I’m not encouraging anyone to have a mini sports team or circus, but if you think you may want to, just know your not crazy.. just really brave lol

I am dedicating myself to a good 5 minutes of my 24 hour day to get back to this blogging thing. With kids and a life like mine I would almost feel guilty not letting people get a little laugh out of my everyday adventurous (as my daughter chews on her foot as I’m trying to write this)

Stay tuned 😁

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The “W” Word

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    The day has come and gone…

    Yesterday was the day I was going to unwillingly leave my precious one month old and head off to the “W” word.
    The day I had been trying to mentally prepare for and failed horribly. It wasn’t all day (nor will it ever be) but it was long enough to make me wonder what she was doing and how she was feeling every second of every hour I was there.
    Of course I knew she was in good hands. She was in the best of hands besides mine. She was with Daddy. But the attachment I have formed with her and the fact that she just turned 1 month old didn’t help my anxiety filled mind think of everything and anything that could go wrong.

    Of course when I got home, she was perfectly content along with her brothers and my husbands first shift as super dad was over. In all honesty I enjoy learning something new and getting out of the four walls that have kept me captive for months. I enjoy the option to actually miss my kids by being away from them for once. But I am also practically a new mom all over again and leaving your little ones will never be any easier no matter how many kids you may have.

    So heads up to all couples thinking of becoming parents, new parents and parents trying for another…it never gets easier, even the simplest things become difficult. Even the most innocent of acts become a challenge and make you question every aspect of it. You no longer think for or only about yourself, in fact, yourself usually becomes last on your list of priorities.

    But it’s worth it. There is no greater love then that of a child.

    Sincerely,
    A “W”orking Mom 🙂

S.O.S

I have no idea what S.O.S stands for, all I do know it is a distress call. A call for help. Exactly what I need today.
The “to-do” list in my head is never ending. Some realistic goals, some not, (or maybe just in my mind they are not but in reality 100% possible).
My little man is turning 2 in two months, so naturally my mind begins to not only face the reality that he is getting bigger and no longer my baby. Along with that realization, I also begin to criticize myself as a mother for not having any plans for his birthday yet. Most likely it won’t be anything too elaborate being on a strict budget, having a newborn, and a super small family that makes having a big birthday celebration not even all that necessary. Along with him turning 2, I have had the joy of listening to and experiencing the ear piercing screeches of temper tantrums for little to no reasons at all. My 2 year old is the boss in his mind, and nothing, no one, not even mommy is going to change that. (Until Daddy comes home of course).
On top of that, my newborn is turning a month old this Friday. Another child that is growing up way too fast and making me more depressed. She has been experiencing gas pain and reflux, which mommies know mean lots of fussing, crying, and of course no sleep. My bedtime last night was 4:15AM after about 2 hours of consoling her back to sleep. Only to be woken a couple hours later to start the day.
And to think….I have orientation tomorrow for a part time job I have decided to take on along with my full time job as a mommy. I can only imagine my mood the first week or two, and the back pain I will be experiencing dealing with scoliosis to top it off. But what needs to be done, must be done, and that’s why we are super women ;).
On a more positive note, I have finished the first page of my book, and so far, I am proud already. It’s the one thing besides this blog I am doing for myself, and although I can’t write as much as I would like with the demands of all my children, I am determined to finish it and know once I do, it will be a true work of art. My own masterpiece.

To whom it may concern….

Dear whoever may happen to care.

With my new found love for writing, more so the reawakening of my creativity and desire to write, (along with the encouragement and push from my husband) I have decided to start a book. A real book. A book that I hope to one day be published and read by many. A book that you can’t put down, a book that you have to read “just one more chapter” before going to bed. A book that you take with you to work to sneak in one more chapter during your lunch break. A book that you may or may not be able to relate to personally, but will feel as though you have known the character all your life. A book based off true events and situations that will lead you wondering how they could possibly be true. A book you will never want to put down and will be saddened when you have reached your last page. Stay tuned.

Sincerely,
An inspired writer

“My anxieties have anxieties”-Charles M. Schulz

Some days I have complete control; other days are pure torture.

Anyone who has had, or knows someone who has had anxiety, knows how disabling it can be.

As much as you try to reassure yourself, as much as you try to convince yourself that these thoughts do not exist, your brain tells you otherwise, and for whatever reason you truly, whole heartedly believe it.

Life becomes ten times more difficult dealing with the constant battle. Sometimes it leads you to feel helpless, insane, emotionally and mentally incapable of dealing with everyday life. Add small kids to the mix and its almost disastrous.

Of course you try all the self help techniques Google can provide before realizing it’s something deeper than any search engine can fix.

It takes a lot to admit when you have any type of problem, it takes putting aside the feelings of weakness, embarrassment, and the sense of failing knowing you couldn’t control it on your own or just simply make it stop, since it sounds so easy to do, but are quickly reminded that it’s not.

It takes that one moment of feeling like you’ve completely lost yourself, like you’ve completely lost your mind. That moment it starts affecting not only you, but those around you that you love the most but know don’t and probably never will understand.

And when that moment comes, take charge. Regain control of your thoughts, your mood and life by any means possible.

Life is too short, too precious, to be anything less than happy.

Sincerely,

A mind filled with worry.

Allow me to reintroduce myself…..

Just Me

Before I continue on with any more post (or rants) about my life, my kids, my madness and insanity, I think it’s only fair that I give you a better understanding of who I am. Who I really am.

I have been through many things, many good, MANY bad. Some things that pretty much everyone goes through, and some that most people do not. I would often question how I still had a heart, how I didn’t become an evil person filled with hate, and used to constantly think the infamous question, “why me?”. But I have learned everything happens for a reason and because of that I wouldn’t take back any of my life experiences knowing it has made me who I am today. The bad doesn’t need to be relived in detail, it’s said and done and thankfully over, but to know me is to know my story, so let’s begin…

My name is irrelevant. I am not a celebrity, therefore, my name is just a name and I am a nobody to the outside world (for now).

As for my age, some may be (and usually are) surprised to know I am actually only 24 years old. Yes, that is a two in front of that four. Yes, that means I have just graduated high school six years ago. And finally, YES, that means I was and still am a young mom. But NO, that does not mean I have not been through probably more than some double my age has, and No that does not mean I am any less of a parent or woman than someone who has partied their 20’s away and waited until they were 30 to have their first child and start their “grown up” life. So now that we have that out of the way, let’s move on 🙂

I was the daughter of a teen mom, and I became a teen mom. I was in young “love” and made terrible, immature, irresponsible decisions during my first couple years in high school. I went from being in a mentally gifted program and being accepted into one of the best schools in the city by 5th grade, to not caring about school, my education, well being or my future, and dug myself in a deeper and deeper hole that I thought I would never be able to crawl out of. (I honestly don’t know how my mother didn’t disown me at some points). But that all changed the moment I found out I was expecting my first child. I changed my life around, never missed school and became that “A” student my teachers and parents would tell me I was more than capable of being. I finished high school the best I had been in years. I walked off that green grass with my cap and gown on and went over to hold my 2 month old baby boy for pictures feeling extremely proud of myself. While most women take maternity leave to relax with their newborn and recover physically, emotionally and mentally from the process of giving birth, I was doing school work and meeting with my teacher to make sure I was not only keeping up with my grades, but would be there with my class to celebrate this huge accomplishment. And I was.

I went on to work while completing full time college courses for two years and obtained my associates in Elementary Education before having my second child with the man I married and now call my husband. Along with some tough times and a bit of a rough pregnancy, I had a post partum hemmorhage with my second that ended with the doctor manually, by hand, contracting my uterus to stop the bleeding and save me from loosing any more blood than I already had. I screamed in excruciating pain as my husband stroked my hair, and reassured me everything would be ok as much as he possibly could. That admittedly was the most painful thing I have ever been through, especially when you refuse the epidural since I made the decision to give birth to all my kids “naturally”. That definitely won the top spot for the scariest moment of my life. (A deer running into my car as I was driving with my newborn comes in at a close 2nd). After that, I made the decision to focus on just working to help support my growing family before being let go from my previous job after finding out I was pregnant (which was a surprise to both mommy and daddy….the pregnancy and the loss of a job at the worst possible time). Thankfully, my husband got a new job and I became a stay at home mom while being pregnant with my third and last child, who gave me a hell of a pregnancy so may have been the best thing in the end after all.

And here we are today…after being through hell and back since a very young age, dealing with things I can only hope my kids never have to experience in life, and pushing through every obstacle life has put in my path, I am finally in a good place. We just recently got a new home that we love, our babies are all here and healthy, and I got the opportunity to wake up today to see another sunrise, kiss my husband and kids, and write this post for a blog I never thought or knew I would have.

So that is my story (at least a very small part of it) and this is who I am and forever will be.

Sincerely, Me.

They were born to torture us….right?

It’s Monday….


That statement alone is never associated with anything positive.

The weekend is over which means my husband goes back to work, which also means the extra two hands I have had over the weekend are leaving out that door with him. Not to mention as soon as the door shuts and his foot leaves off the front step, the kids huddle together and make an evil plot to drive me as crazy as possible until Daddy comes back home (they don’t really huddle up or make an evil plan, but in my mind they do). Please keep in mind today is a 4 against 1 day, with my kids being ages 6, 4, almost 2 and 2 weeks old….(yea, I know, I am a little crazy myself for having them all) Now I have experience, not only being a mother, but I worked at a daycare for almost 4 years (which ratio was 10 three year olds to just myself at times), and took child development classes while completing my associates degree in Education. So I should have this completely under control! Right? Wrong! The difference is, these are MY kids, and MY kids know how to get over on mommy and beat the system, and by “the system” I mean all the things my textbooks, classes, and experience has taught me to avoid days like this….let’s continue.

I know what most may think, “Be grateful you have kids to drive you crazy, some try all their life with no luck!”  And trust me, if it wasn’t for my kids I would not be where I am today, or who I am today, but please keep in mind, we mothers are still human at the end of the day. So before I continue my vent, never mistaken my frustration with lack of love. I absolutely love all my kids, including my stepson, and would never trade them for anything, including peace and sanity. (Even though my brain is currently correcting me and trying to convince my heart that I probably would, just for a day).

I will admit, I envy not having whatever Daddys have to put kids on their best behavior with one look (yes, “thee look”, which my mother used to tell me my grandfather had mastered when she was younger and now I completely understand it). And as I have spent the first half of my Monday listening to ear piercing screams, tantrums being thrown, complaining, whining, and of course my own voice repeating itself multiple times, I am  wishing I not only had those extra set of hands but “thee look” to save me from feeling like I am slowly but surely not only loosing the battle, but my mind as well.

So as I sit here I try to wrap my mind around how I created this chaos, I question how these precious little innocent babies have turned into crazy kids who have turned my home, my safe place, into a psyc ward, a very messy, unorganized psyc ward, and I continue to count down the hours until Daddy is back home. And then I realize within that thought process, they must have been born to torture me…right?

Sincerely,

The real thoughts of a mommy in distress