We are out of commission temporarily. The culprit? My 6 year old son.
After less than a month of being in 1st grade he has brought home his first germ. It passed through him, my toddler and now is stretching both mommy and daddy at the same time. Between the coughing, sneezing, stuffy and runny nose, this is just a huge sign to myself that I am not looking forward to winter even more. There’s nothing better than taking care of 3 kids, one being a 2 month old infant while feeling like crap. ( that was said with as much sarcasm as possible) I can only hope this is a quick illness and even quicker recover. (Sigh)
I’m not really sure where the time went. I just know that it’s gone.
Two months have slipped past my knowledge and I am staring at my now two month old little girl realizing this is just the beginning. This is just the start of many years to come lost in confusion in the popular phrase “Where has the time gone?”. I have been through this before and thought this time it would be different. I thought this time I would somehow be able to master the skill of slowing time down in order to cherish every second. Only to realize there is no skill to be mastered and it is simply impossible. Before I know it I will be writing a post about her first birthday and referencing back to this very moment. I promised myself I wouldn’t let life take me away from her and wouldn’t allow it to distract me from the most important thing. Unfortunately my brain and life had other plans and it seems as though stress and all the other responsibilities of being a parent and an adult still somehow suck away the opportunity to solely focus on her and my boys. It’s a work in progress. That is something I can work on, fix and master. And I have all intentions on doing so. But for now I will continue to enjoy the moments I do have to just hold her little body in my hands and gaze into her eyes knowing that one day I will only be able to do these things in memory.
An older woman at my job turns to me before our staff meeting at 10:30 at night and says to me “How do you feel little lady?”
Within this very moment I could have listed a page full of emotions, mostly negative, but instead I gave her a simple “tired” and left it at that. She turned to the other woman beside me and said “she has 3 little ones at home!” …I got the usual response of “God Bless You” with a shocked then depressed look. The woman than went on to trace an imaginary halo over my head while telling me my halo was glowing. Who knew I even had one..between my potty mouth and teenage years I was sure that halo had either become so dim it might as well be non existent or it had already fell apart and was no longer even there. But last night I was reassured it’s not only still there but it’s glowing.
I guess one would say I’m an angel for taking on the task of 3 kids and a step child at the age of 24, although I usually get called other things such as crazy and out of my damn mind. I would like to think I have a halo for other reasons such as the fact that Iv been hurt, betrayed, cheated and taken advantage of and I never have retailiated with revenge and still somehow have a heart. A heart that not only works but loves deeply and sometimes what feels like unconditionally despite the wrongdoings. But to others taking on the life I have chose declares me a damn near saint in their eyes, so I guess from now on I will walk around with Beyoncés “Halo” song as my entrance music.
A very complex, underestimated and misunderstood young woman, who never knew my halo still shinned so bright. 😉
Here is my excuse note.
I have been a little busy trying to do a little bit of everything. Between my normal days of dealing with my most amazing children and now taking on a part time job on top of it I have also decided to invest some time into showing off my beautiful little girl and boy as many have adored their precious little faces. My book is still a work in progress since I am desperately longing for a computer since writing a book on a smart phone is not the easiest of tasks. Other than that I have enjoyed watching my big 1st grader go off on the big boy yellow bus by himself for the first time and have finally let it all set in. I am slowly but surely getting into this making lunch and getting out the house on time routine. Life is taking many different directions along with my brain and although a bit unorganized I am still managing it all. Trying my best to at least. Here are some pics as proof of my excuses and I will make sure from now on to bump my blog up on my priority list a bit.
Now that my toddler is down for a nap I can only hope he wakes up in a better mood. That is yet to be determined. Until then time to reflect on some positive things.
I got my notification today that I have reached 200 likes for this blog. That may seem like nothing to the popular crew who have far exceeded this number, but put 200 people in a room and that’s a hell of a fan base for me. It’s been a little over a month since I started this blog I believe and it has done wonders for me. So whether it’s 200 or 20, every one counts. So thank you for those who “like” my chaotic slightly humorous life.
Another positive that has brought me some joy is the fact that my previous Babygirl is being featured on social media for the world to see. By no means am I a stage mom or whatever they call those moms who push their kids to do something they are secretly wishing they had done. But being that her beauty had been recognized and appreciated I have decided to make her own little page for her fans. Feel free to follow and share her Instagram page @LanaKaylee_ . Nothing like a precious little baby girl to brighten a cloudy day.
Other than that just enjoying being alive, tantrums and all, I may wish to escape it time to time but I will never trade it. My kids and family have become my soul purpose for living and without them I would be worthless. So on that note, good day. 🙂
Be forewarned, I am about to vent and rant and whether anyone can relate is unknown.
Today is one of the days I am in prison. I’m not talking about an actual prison (unfortunately since I’d rather be anywhere but here right now) but the prison I call my home. Most days there is nowhere else I’d rather be, other days I feel trapped and alone with no way of escaping, only because it would be illegal to. I have been through this toddler phase before, but never to this extent. I also had a full time job that allowed myself some extra sanity to deal with it properly. But now I am going through the toddler stage with a newborn, a newborn who is starting to react to his continuous screeches and screams for many not so obvious reasons. I keep telling myself it will be over soon but my pounding headache is making that irrelevant right now. Iv tried different techniques, tried different ideas to control the tantrums yet I still get to experience and suffer from them everyday while trying to cater to and care for a newborn and my other son. I knew it wouldn’t be easy going into this, I was warned but never could have imagined this type of torture. I love my toddler. I love him with my whole entire heart but being this thing called a human only allows myself to tolerate so much at one time. Which usually leads to me calling my husband with every emotion possible and feeling as if I am not only weak but failing. Then the resentment sets in as I speak to him that he never has to go through this punishment, he gets to escape to work for long hours while I am stuck in these walls with what you would think is a wild animal. And even when he is home my toddler decided to be on his best behavior for the most part. Not to mention he will be working on Saturdays again soon which means every other weekend I will get to not only have my screaming toddler and crying newborn but my older son and stepson to cater to on top of it. I used to have all the patience in the world with one child. That has quickly changed. So to say the least I am extremely glad I have decided to take on a part time job, although my back kills me and I’m on my feet the whole time with only a 15 minute break, it has almost become a necessity in order to keep my sanity away from these days when I’m in prison.
A mother who has high hopes in one day, sooner than later, regaining some mental freedom and sanity.